Mother daughter relationships gone bad

Being one of six children and always trying to be the child that’s noticed is often a hardship that is impossible to accomplish.  Since an early age I always felt unwanted and definitely unloved.
I was born the fifth child and by that time there was not a single moment available. 
My parents both born in Portugal and not accustomed to the ways of the american way; so strict discipline and the leather strap was an everyday ritual.  I being the child born with the wild spirit and definitely a mind of my own always got the punishment of beatings; those beatings were to me a way to get attention…not exactly what I craved but nonetheless it was attention.  All my own!
Often overlooked for the loving words and tender hugs I often witnessed my younger sister getting always…so a deep resentment overcame my being. 
I quickly understood this was my life as I saw it; so I made a plan. 
I ran away as fast as I could and as far as I could get…money being limited I hitched a ride with a friend and her family to my new life…MY new beginning.
I planned my escape to perfection.  I had already packed my duffel bag the night before and no one knew the wiser.  When I woke the next morning with everyone thinking it was an ordinary day and getting ready for school I made my escape.  I drove to Florida with my friend and her family…only thing  I forgot to mention was that they all thought I had permission to go with them…i did not!
Do I regret running away from my home and leaving my family?  Not one single regret; I wished I was able to stay lost forever..
Unfortunately I was found in Florida and forced back home to a place I referred to as my own hell.
Once I was back home I was so withdrawn and I lashed out at who ever tried to get close to me….i didnt want that.  I was planning my next escape and this time I wouldn’t be found!
My mother was suffering from manic depression and I hated her for her ever growing ailments…and the list was growing at a rapid speed.  How many times had I come home from school to find her passed out from the pills her quack doctor prescribed…you know for her anxiety.  The should of put her locked away because 30 years later and lo and behold she continues to suffer this, those pills were a joke…thirty years and still there not working.  She has become a jealous bitter old woman, who strives to make her kids suffer…
Can you believe out of the siblings I have I speak to one sister…thanks Mommy Dearest….for a close knit family.
I married three times and my current and last husband and I thank God  because he is my rock, my best friend and taught me to love again..to love myself.
So to torture yourself and allowing yourself to feel worthless and alone is a useless waste of time…i feel with all my heart that he was sent to me from my Guardian Angel…
My mother and I still have a turbulent relationship  but I’m ok more than ok I guess…i survived!
So to my husband and beautiful daughters I am whole and have never felt more loved as I do today….

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About askmarji2011

I have been an avid reader of blogs for years and I wanted to share what experiences that I have faced and share them with anyone who has ever looked for a place to go to just talk, share a story that can touch others, I am a mother of two beautiful daughters and a grandmother to an incredible grandson, I have been married to the love of my life for 9 years, I have been in the Cosmetology field for over 20 years and in this field I have met and spoken to the most extraordinary peole and heard their amazing stories, I wanted to share with others a connection to a place that we can all come together and make a better more positive tomorrow,,I look forward to this endeavor and I am committing 110% of me to all of you! 2011 is the year that majes a difference,
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